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Profile Jeffery William Paul
I
grew up poor and deeply affected by the chaos and strain of constant
struggling. Yet, despite the turmoil, I have a strong family who support
me, as much as they can. Something I am thankful for, as I see people
who don't even have that, on a daily basis and although I fight
bitterness, over literally every aspect of my life that was ripped away,
I take solace in the fact that I always have and always will enjoy the
love,, even at a distance, of the people that share my blood. At nineteen years old, I was arrested for this crime and sentenced to death. These years seem like they have lasted longer than the entire time I spent as a free man. It grates across every frayed nerve ending I have left. I
came to prison as an arrogant, brash kid with enough attitude to fill a
stadium. I spent the first two years constantly on restrictions and
harassing staff and prisoners equally.With no lines of limits. I was so
angry. I have maintained my innocence since day one and yet, my
protestations were met with outright ridicule or indifference. "Everyone's
innocent.... yeah right (wink)" It drove me out of my mind. The
third day after my arrival on Arkansas' death row, where they housed a
few federal prisoners before this place was finished, they took a guy
out to the death chamber and 48 hours later, he was executed. My closest
friend in Arkansas was next, and to date, 13 men that I have lived
around have been executed or died of assaults and other hazards of
prison life. At
some point, I picked up books. Working with a 9th grade education, I
believe that, despite the stifling atmosphere of being incarcerated,
dehumanized or accosted mentally and at times physically for more years
than I care to think of, I managed to find some balance in my mind.
Through ideas and experiences of others, I taught myself to pick my
emotions apart and look objectively at who I am and come to terms with
the fact that I am here, and though I'm not the "bad guy", it
is something that factors into the thoughts of everyone who crosses my
path, as it would mine. I cannot let the rejection and anger over that (which
was why I was so hostile) drive me on a personal level. Right
now, I am convinced that we (my legal team and I) have proven beyond a
doubt that I am not guilty of this crime and am in the process of
waiting for the courts to rule on a new trial for me. Really, it's
harder to do this with hope that without it. Presently, I'm looking for
support, in the form of casual dialogue, covering the daily minutia of
life. All of the things people give no thought to throw me for a loop,
as at this point, I'm an intellectual freak. Locked up before living, no
marriage, no kids, no student loans or bills, nothing like that. I'm a
convict with offensive tattoos who can quote Robert Lowell poetry, or
explain obscure aspects of philisophical writings/cocepts but don't know
how to write a check. It's ridiculous. As
for my interests: writing alternative literature/poetry and learning the
Spanish language. Art is a serious interest of mine. I paint frequently.
I also enjot physcology. Not the deviant "get behind the eyes of
the madman" stuff. I've been surrounded by them and am not even
slightly interested. White collar anxiety, soccer moms, minivans and
everything suburbia fascinates me. I want to know all of it. I
am open to all correspondence but get busy with my appeals on a regular
basis. I do appreciate all contact and support and don't have any big
No-No's for writing to me. But, I'm Catholic, obsessively skeptical and
have yet to actually bump into Jesus. I like Him just fine, but don't
care to discuss the good book. And, though I understand some people are
just as fascinated by this prison environment as I am about middle
America. If I write about living here, I expect reciprocation. As you
get the same questions from everyone you've ever known, or end up
meeting and it was old, years ago.I, and David Hammer have compiled a
book about federal death row and being here, in the midst of one of the
most twisted media spectacles in history, McVeigh's execution. It will
be called "Secrets Worth Dying For." Also, and I'm really serious here, I am looking for friendship only. Please don't write me romantic letters, I assure you, I won't go there again for anything in the world, been in love, hurts too bad and won't do that again. people hold onto nothing and that's exactly what they leave you with. I look forward to an easy interaction and always interested in new ideas.
Sincerely, Jeff Paul
Address: Jeff Paul
Read Jeff Paul's poems and journal. Information about Jeff Paul's book. Jeff Paul's art for sale section.
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