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-Daniel Lee on his friendship with David Paul Hammer
Hello,
Hello! I hope this card finds you safe and doing well. I want to thank
you for taking the time to write to me, that was very thoughtful of you.
I really enjoyed your letter, it sure lifted my spirits! Thank you for
your kind words about my mother, I can’t put into words the
appreciation I feel for everything you and the other Sisters have done
to make her visit a truly heart-warming gift! Before her trip, I
wasn’t sure I wanted her to see me here. Not just because I am on
death row, but out of concern for her safety on the bus, as well as the
mental and emotional stress of staying in a cold and lonely hotel room
over the holidays. It saddened me deeply to think of the sense of
lonliness and isolation that surely would have taken hold of her. I even
felt selfish for looking forward to her visit. But all of that was
before you came into her life! I don’t know what you did to make her
fall in love with you, but I can’t thank you enough! It’s as if 6
years of fear and doubt were dissolved with her first reassuring smile;
a smile that you made possible. Your kindness and hospitality took the
desperation of her trip and turned it into one of faith and hope.
There’s something magical about that. It touched something inside of
me to see the spark in her eyes as she spoke of her time with you and
the other Sisters. She talked about the church and the songs the Sisters
sang. She
told me that God was in their voices, that she could feel Him when they
sang! She described all she saw as breathtakingly beautiful. You are
responsible for the peace and joy I saw in her smile, so as honestly as
I can, I thank you! I
wrote in my first letter to Sister Rita that I couldn’t explain how
much your simple act of kindness meant to us. After learning just how
much effort went into making my mother feel welcome, I see your act of
kindness as anything but simple. I’m at a complete loss as how to show
my true sense of gratitude. I only wish there was a way to give it back
to you. I’m
afraid that for the time being, I’m of little use to anyone and
telling you that you’re in our hearts and prayers seems somehow
inadequate. I’ve always known that our actions, no matter how small
have an effect on those around us. But, it’s been on my mind a lot
lately, after seeing the positive influence you’ve had on my mother in
such a short time. She’s a good woman with unshakeable spiritual
strength, but in the last few years that faith has been sorely tested.
Her time with you was a spiritual rebirth. Those are her words and she
spoke them with pride. I
think it’s been a while since she has been reminded just how bright
the light of life can shine. I truly believe that her visit with you
could not have come at a more needed time. Needless
to say, my mother is ecstatic about being invited back to stay with you
on her next visit! Martin, David Hammer’s brother, lives about On
another note, please tell Sister Rita I wish her the best on the
upcoming court case! That goes for the other sisters involved as well. I
hate to think of her being caught up in the court system! That’s just
not right. My thoughts and prayers will be with her. Well,
I should close this card for now. Thank you all again for everything
you’ve done! I really wanted to send you lady’s flowers, but drawing
you this card is the best I could do. I hope they make you smile! Take
care of yourself and be safe.
Daniel Lee on his Friendship with
David Paul Hammer This
has proven to be a very difficult and painful letter to write. Far more
so than I originally expected. When first asked by Sarah Kramer to write
a short letter about my friendship with David Hammer to be read aloud
during his execution protest, I thought, "of course I'll do it.
Absolutely!" Well, it's been nearly 2 1/2 weeks since I received that request and only
now am I beginning to find progress possible. I've written a dozen
letters up to this point, yet none of them seemed to be appropriate. Not
one of them seemed able to convey the heartfelt emotion which I'm sure
we're all experiencing right now. The confusion; the disbelief, as well as the rage of anger at the sense
of pain and loss that David's murder is having on all who consider him
to be a friend, a memeber of their family. How do you write a letter
such as this? How is it possible to sum up the nature of friendship and
the value of a human life with one last letter good-bye? This is what
seems to be my 15th attempt and I find myself feeling to be just as
utterly lost and incompetent as when I first picked up the pen. I pace
the cell floor trying to map out this letter in my mind, but as each
thought forms, I become lost to the waves of memories and experiences
here on death row, of past conversations with David. The arguments,
shared laughter and moments of painful reflection as well as times of
joy and contentment and of days spent confiding our hopes and dreams of
what the future holds for each of us. So much has happened since I first arrived on the unit that has forever
reshaped my life and changed the way I view the world. There are times,
late at night, when the unit is still and silent and I find myself
sitting on the floor in the corner of my cell staring at the shadows on
the wall, quietly contemplating the sequence of events and experiences
that compile my life. It's in these quiet moments of self-reflection
that these changes become vividly clear, followed by the acknowledgement
that David Hammer's gentle influence and guidance is connected in some
way to each of these life-altering changes. By example, David has shown me that there comes a time in your life when
uyou have to take a very serious look at yourself, to question your
belief system and to analyze the cause and effect of past mistakes as
well as the negative repurcussions those mistakes have on your life.
Simply put, I'm a better man for David's involvement in my life, His
friendship is priceless! It's a strange thing, these bonds that form
between condemned men. There's a quote I've found that sums it up fairly
well: There's a truth to be found there in those words. Those of us here on the
row spend our days struggling mainly to understand the complexities of
life, each of us to a certain degree acknowledging the fact that our
destinies are inter-twined. That we all share the same fate; a date with
the executioner. The friendships formed here are intense, making it that much harder to
let go! David Hammer has formed a unique and individual friendship with
nearly every man on the unit. There's not one of us who he hasn't helped
in some way at one time or another. He gives of himself so completely,
regardless of the events taking place in David's life, he always is
willing to take the time to listen to other people's problems. To truly
listen and to offer his support and to give advice when asked. He's
always there, he's always the first person the men on the unit turns to
for help. David Hammer is truly the life blood of the Federal Death Row
Unit. For all intents and purposes, he's the unit manager, the unit
attorney, who's always willing to step forward in defence of any of us
who have been abused or mistreated either by prison staff or by the
courts. He's always there, ready to help in wahtever way possible and
never asking anything in return. David has suffered tremendous abuse and
injustice over the course of his life and as a result, absolutely hates
to see the system abuse others. In the 27 years in which David has been in prison he's developed a deeper
knowledge and understanding of the judicial system than most attorneys
will in a lifetime and he shares this knowledge freely with any who seek
his assistance. David has become our one-man human rights organization.
He's memorized volumes of B.O.P. rules and regulations, he's capable of
quoting entire chapters of unti program statements. He understands the
law and he knows our rights and he uses this knowledge to make sure
those rights are met. When I think of the friendship which has developed between David and
myself, I begin to feel a sense of pride that warms the soul and
comforts the ever-present fear of what my own future holds. David has
done so much to change my life; to open my eyes to a whole other world
that I've been unable to see for one reason or another. His life
experience and the example he set forth serve as a beacon of light, a
constant reminder that change is possible and that the first step
towards change is to forgive yourself for past mistakes and to confront
the guilt and self-hatred that perpetuate the cycle of negativity. David
told me that it's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved
for what you are not. He said you've got to be honest and true to
yourself first, or you'll never be able to be true to anyone else. He
explained to me the importance of watching my thoughts because these
thoughts become words and words become actions and actions become habits
and it's these habits which forms your destiny. This advice stems from a
lifetime of experiences, some postive and some negative, but each in
it's own way helping to mold David into the man he is today. A man who
truly deserves so much more out of life. There's wisdom in his words, undeniable wisdom ringing clear for any who
take the time to listen. I've listened and I'm a better person for
having done so. I'm the former skin-head who found himself on death row
only to be taught the lessons of human compassion, of kindness and the
value of inner-peace. Although I struggle with these ideas from time to
time, it's David life that reassures me that the struggle is worth it.
Who would have thought that learning to love myself would be the hardest
battle I've ever fought? It's a battle David understands well and it's
his guidance that has helped to lessen the pain of growth and
self-awareness. I will forever be grateful that our paths crossed and
for the friendship and trust which David has shown me. How is it
possible to honor such a friendship with a single letter? To accurately
express the love and respect I feel for the man? It's simply not
possible and it breaks my heart to feel that there's something else I
could do, something more than what I am doing, but to not understand or
to know what that is This is so surreal! As I sit here writing this letter, David is alive and
as these words are being read to you, David is still Alive! Sitting in a
cold and lonley isolation cell mere hours away from his execution. How
can this be happening? How can this be referred to as justice? How can
anyone fail to recognize the foolish hypocrisy which defines the very
nature of capital punishment? The notion that the loss of one life
justifies the taking of another life, only serves to perpetuate the
cycle of violence. How can people not recognize it for what it is? I broke down in tears last night when David said to me, "Danny,
don't hate these people for what they're doing to me, be stronger than
that, be better than they are!" He said to rise above it, telling
me to control my heart and my mind will follow The rules are reversed
here, it's David's execution and he's the one counseling me! Explaining
that progression will never be possible as long as I continue to
confront negative actions with a negative reaction. It's difficult to
remain focused on the positive aspects of David's life and David's
influence on my life and not allow myself to become overwhelmed with the
grief and heartache that accompany the death of a loved one. There's
much to David Hammer's life to celebrate! When I think of David and what it is that I'm going to miss the most
after he's gone, my thoughts center around the way he's always there
with a kind word and a patient and understanding ear, his friendly smile
and the sound of his reassuring laughter. I'm going to miss a "friend".
David's death, but more importantly, his life has had such an incredible
effect on so many people and his loss carries with it the bittersweet
reminders of the life lessons he has taught so many of us. I view
David's life as a gift! A gift that will never be forgotten! Thank you, David, for all you have given to us. I thank you for your
friendship! My thoughts will always be with you, Brother. You'll always
be more than just a memory. Rest well, my friend.
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