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Michael Toney's Email to Everyone
Date: December 10, 2005 Subject:
News Hello All, As
always l hope and pray this reaches you having an exceptionally good
day. I’ve
been trying to write this email for a week or so, but due to recent
events my state of mind hasn’t been very good. I’m rarely at a loss
for words, but lately l hasn’t been able to find the words that
accurately express my feelings. Most
of you know l was looking forward to the Dallas Morning News stories
being published. I was hoping the reporter would do things differently
than American media usually does. American media writes primarily about
negative things, because they believe that's what sells. However, the
reporter led me to believe that he
believed in my innocence, so l wrongfully believed he
wouldn't
write things that would hurt me or hurt my chances for survival, l was
wrong and he
was wrong for not focusing on the primary issue. My innocence! Instead
he
chose to write every bad thing anyone had to say about me, most of which
happened 20 years ago, didn’t happen at all or was dramatically
exaggerated. Immediately
after the stories were published, l received a flurry of hate mail in
which l was told, "You deserve to be executed even if you are
innocent of the bombing." l won’t repeat most of what was written
to me. The hate mail stopped for almost a week and then last night l
received another pile. It's always painful to read and no matter how
much l try to shrug H off, it still has a profound effect on me. Then
as if the hate mail wasn't enough, l received an email from someone l
have come to admire for her intelligence and compassion. She wrote that
l was courageous for giving people the web address to read the articles,
because what is written there "is quite frightening, and presents
you in a very dark way." No, l was not courageous. Had l known what
was going to be written, l wouldn't have given anyone the information to
access the stories. Then she wrote, "I’m not here to judge you. I
stay faithful to my intuition." Obviously she must believe
everything she read or she wouldn’t feel the need to tell me she
doesn’t judge me. In a way, she has already judged me. The part about
remaining faithful to her intuition is perplexing. Does that mean, if
her intuition didn’t tell her l am innocent of what l have been
sentenced to death for, then l should be killed. It's perplexing,
because l thought she was against all capital punishment, irregardless
of guilt or innocence. It seems she may have something in common with
the Texans who have been sending me hate mail! All
the stories about things l supposedly did throughout my life took away
from the stories. Had the reporter focused on the case and not my
alleged history, everyone would clearly see that l was convicted without
evidence of a crime l am completely and unequivocally innocent of.
I write "alleged history," because many of the
allegations were either completely false or widely exaggerated.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!" To say l have
scorned many women is an understatement, I’ve broken more hearts than
l can count and some of them got even by helping the State of Texas
murder me for a crime l didn’t even hear about until more than a
decade after it happened. I wasn’t convicted; because l am guilty of
the crime l was sentenced to death for. I was convicted, because of
history and lies! I have stated
many times, people will believe something negative... a lie over
something positive and truthful almost every time. I’m
not saying everything bad that was written about me is untrue. Much of
it is false, but even if true what does any of it have to do with the
crime l have been wrongfully convicted of? I admit l have done more bad
in my life than l care to think about, but does that make me a murderer? Have
l been dishonest in my life? Absolutely! I’ve been a thief, a
womanizer and l have been abusive in many of my relationships, but does
that make me a bomber? I would like for you to think about that for a
moment. How
many times do l have to be judged for the bad things I’ve done? I’m
judged each time someone reads something or is told about my history and
I’m tired of being judged. What good does it do for anyone to judge me
when l admit and accept responsibility for every bad thing l have ever
done? I assure you nobody could ever punish me more than l have punished
myself. If
you have read the stories, you know that the two survivors of the
bombing are very anxious to see me murdered. Mrs. Blount said. "He's
going to pay in the next life. He's going to be tormented terribly. He's
going to live in darkness and suffer greatly. I don’t know what the
Heavenly Father has planned for him. I just know it's going to be worse
than anyone can do to him here." If you'll recall what l
previously wrote in my email titled "forgiveness or
reconciliation," you now understand that l am right about so many
loved ones of murder victims being separated from God, because of their
desire for vengeance and their desire to see someone executed. I have
much empathy for Susan and Robert Blount. I’ve felt what they feel and
l know how it tortures the soul. The sad thing is they are separated
from God and may be eternally separated, because they wrongfully believe
l killed their loved ones. Even sadder yet, when the reporter asked them
why they believe l am guilty they both said, "because the
prosecutor. Parrish. said he
did
it." It's
strange that a Christian, a supposed devout Mormon, would believe our
Heavenly Father torments souls in the next life. God's only punishment
is being separated from Him. I know God knows l am innocent and that l
have been forgiven of every bad thing l have ever done and l have
forgiven. I know l am a member of God's family, but l fear Susan and
Robert Blount are not. That knowledge hurts me more than anything that
was written in the stories. It's
almost Christmas! Christmas on
death row is an unusually sad time. Sadder than usual. Christmas Eve and
Christmas Day are the quietest times on death row. When you do hear
someone talking, the pain and loneliness are clear in their voices. We
can’t help but think about our families and how much we want to be
with them. It's a sad time for me, too, even though Christmas to me is a
reminder that there is HOPE. It also reminds me that no matter what
happens, l will be with my family one day and we will never be
separated. Christmas also reminds me that there is HOPE for Susan and
Robert Blount. l know many of you will be praying for me this Christmas
as you always do, but we should all pray for the Blounts as well. I
wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May your
every prayer be answered; your every dream become reality and your every
wish come true in 2006. Please know that l will be thinking of you on
Christmas and that l am with you in spirit.
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