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Poems and writings by Kenneth E. Foster
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I caught myself off guard when I asked myself – „why fight to get
off death row when death is inevitable? “ That was a difficult
question simply for the thought process it inacted. Death
- such a controversial subject for the human. In our world today we’ve
become so attached to it and the material pleasures it brings that the
mere thought of death causes ones to feel as if their being robbed of
something. Should this be a natural or unnatural feeling? Death
row has become a boxing match with death, we’re face to face,
literally in an enclosed ring (ie-cell), battling our way with this
“adversary.” But should this process be more like shadow boxing
where this “other half” should infact be conditioning us for the
journey up ahead ? I’ve
analyzed my own self in the face of this and have come to the
realization that the answer to this enigma of facing death will have a
different outcome for every individual, but perhaps we can venture into
my own realm of facing the valley and shadows of death and emerge with
answers of peace, understanding and assurance. We
can look to 3 things to enlighten us about death: 1) ancient civilizations Two
ancient civilizations come to mind, both being firmly rooted on the
earth before religion or technology as we know it today and both viewed
death in similar ways: The inhabitants of Egypt and the Native tribes
people of the West (what’s known as North and South America). Both of
these cultures embraced death in a very arcane way. First of all, death
was only viewed as a transition and because these people knew the
essence of life they embraced it wholeheartedly and even prepared lavish
tombs and had beautiful ceremonies for the departure. Did these people
possess a knowledge that we have failed to grasp hold to? When we
specifically view these 2 cultures we find that the similarities of
their esoteric behaviors didn’t cease with death rituals, but they
both were masters of medicine, mapped the stars in science and with
structures (namely pyramids) and their structures were so captivating
and flawless that man today still cannot phantom their creation at the
time they were built. So apparently there was an arcane knowledge of
unbelievable measure that we’ve truly became very separated from. Most
religions have confirmed to us that we must live our lives today in an
righteous way so that we will find peace and life in the hereafter.
While many religions may vary on what that after life is, man is settled
strongly on the fact that there is something. Before
religions became firmly established with their modern day names and
beliefs we had many prophets walking this earth that exemplified the
same characteristics. We
find in these prophets the most sublime of spiritual advancement. From
Abraham to Moses, to Jesus, to Muhammad we find that they weren’t
attached to the world. They saw themselves as servants, they interacted
with the sick and poor and put their lives in the line for God. All
taught to seek knowledge over wealth and that this world will perish.
This was a divine knowledge and man has lost touch with this supreme
understanding. Lastly,
science in its simplest terms teaches us that our bodies are made up of
undetectable particles. It
is only one particle in the universe that can be found in All forms of
matter (whether solid, liquid or gas) and that is the Atom (of course
Atoms consist of sub –atomic particles: protons, electrons, and
neutrons. At the nuclei of the Atom resides the protons and neutrons and
outside of the nuclei revolving around them are the electrons). This
tells us that we have energy particles in us that are non-destructible.
If I was to tell you right now – close your eyes and think of a
flower, the ocean or the color green – you could. But how? Your eyes
are closed. It’s undeniable that we have a force deep within us. A
brain is only tissue, thus it must be composed of greater elements that
allows this phenomenal brain power. Could we reason with this by saying
the creator has composed this “inner–self” (perhaps in other words
– spirit) with an intricate design of Atoms that creates our mind and
intelligence? It seems logical and being that the Atom is in all things
and indestructible that would basically make it infinite, and if the
Atom is infinite and it makes up our true self wouldn’t that make our
composition eternal? It seems scientifically so and this should cause us
to think greatly about our lives and how we feed this energy within us. Viewing
the analysis, even in brief, of these 3 things should have our minds
open to something very deep. On death row it has not been a choice to if
we could avoid this lesson. Here, it stares us face to face and
challenges us to question it, seek to understand it and should I say
…befriend it. So
the question remains, “why fight death if its inevitable!?!” I’ve
come to voice that it’s easy for a man to die yet very hard to live.
No matter how ones situation on death row is argued the conclusion is
still the same: Life is precious. Why? Because the creator has taken a
special time for all his creation and could anything He made be without
purpose?! We find that practically all living organisms serves a
purpose, even if only part of the food chain, and as man has been given
reign over the earth would not his purpose be magnified 100 times
more!?! Death
Row has been the rose among the thorns – even among the harshness
beauty had bloomed. Through this struggle we’ve had to break ourselves
down: the ego, immaturity, anger, ignorance and lack of spiritual
nourishment. We’ve had to seek knowing our selves, then to love it so
that we could allow others to love us. The love others have given us has
been the water to our growth. It has encompassed us like a pool of
warmth submerging us from head to toe. Through this breakdown process we
have seen the value of man and realize that we still have worth and
purpose. Many
here are discouraged by the affliction we face, but this is where we
fail to see that it is absolutely necessary for life to unfold.
Sometimes pain and hard times are not meant to be removed. You can’t
second-guess God. Rather then praying for it (pain, hard times, etc.) to
go away its often wiser to pray that you learn as much from it as you
possibly can. For those of us here who have attained this understanding
I feel safe in saying that it is not death that frustrates us but the
enlightenment that we have achieved in knowing what role we should have
been playing in society. Philosophers, teachers, counsellors and much
more have been molded here and the reality that these lives may never be
lived does act as a disappointment. It’s not in rejecting death but in
rejecting this forced death. When ones mind floats to those here that
have committed acts against humanity we must stand on the concept that
forced death multiplied by forced death can only manifest destruction.
We can’t lose grasp of the ability for man to change into a better
being. When we think of how man has taken reign as judge, jury and God
let us ask ourselves is man pure enough to take lives so easily and
consciously. I feel like when a man can create life, and I don’t mean
by intercourse or sampling DNA, I mean making DNA itself, making Atoms
and Universes, maybe then he can have the power to take lives. All
societies need discipline, rules and fair punishments for wrong, but
murder in any form can’t be the solution to get peace or growth in
life. So
the answer comes to: We must let life continue to feed life. Life should
be allowed to take its natural course so that adverse effects do not
spread from multiplied evil acts. If a man can learn to live and nourish
life it would be abominable to cease that. So it’s not about being
afraid of facing death, but embracing every bit of life. As
I sit here on death row for a crime I did not commit I ask why? Why me?
Why should I fight? Then I think of all the strugglers and martyrs that
carried on even in the face of unimaginable things. They knew they were
serving a purpose and to lay down their lives as quitters would insult
their entire being. It wasn’t until I read a very simple yet
extraordinary saying by Minister Louis Farrakhan that truly gave me
peace in my heart towards my difficult journey. It assured me of all my
affords to live and strive having purpose. “What
we are experiencing now is the chronic disorder of the breaking down of
a world that will give birth to the order of a new world. So this chaos
is absolutely and vitally necessary to create the motion toward order.
Out of death comes life, out of darkness came light, out of nothingness
came everything so out of what seems to be only chaos comes order.”
The death row walk is
undoubtly one of extreme complexities. The struggles with life, torture,
despair, hope, death etc. are ones that can be put in no simple words.
Each of us as unique beings will deal with these things in different
ways and because of our unique essences and beliefs there's just no way
that another man can instruct the other in exactly how to walk their
path. However, it is my hopes that as ones who face a common fate. and
go through common things, we can listen to each others experiences,
especially when they may lead to the greater good. I came to the
question – do we humanize the death penalty? Have we sat by so
thoroughly inactive that we inadvertently promoted this process? This
comes to mind when Texas dearth row inmate Tony Egbuna Ford launched a
month long protest against his execution date. Brother Ford decided to
non-violently protest his execution to make a statement to society that
he was not ok with the death process he was going through. How many have done
this? In Texas, 4 men have physically fought before their executions;
Desmond Jennings, Ponchai Wilkerson, Emmerson Rudd, and Shaka Sankofa.
Todd Willingham made them drag him. This is 5 out of 300-something
executions. What this means is that 300-something men walked to their
murders – the majority having elaborate death feasts (that which
probably won't even digest) before their executions. I asked myself;
what message does this send to society'? The conclusion I came to was;
I'm okay with this. This statement
creates controversy as many feel their manhood is being questioned.
Well, it is not. What is being questioned is our wide range vision
towards this capital punishment process. It is my wholehearted opinion
that no death row inmate should walk to their execution. I passionately
express that to those inmates who condemn the death penalty (the reality
is that all death row inmates do not = he that to your surprise), and
get out there and launch campaigns to save their lives, If we can do
that in the outside world, we can do that on the inside. I believe it's
our duty to make this statement – to burn this into the psyches of our
captors, other inmates, the system and the media. As one says "the
death penalty is wrong", we should stand on that until the end. I know this is a
sensitive time (facing a date) and one may not he willing to sacrifice
like Brother Ford. Due to his protest the administration took his
property, showers, recreation, and suspended his visits. They didn't
take his spirit or dignity though. and for those of us standing with
him, we are going through the same restrictions, yet we are not broken
either. Tony had prepared for all this saying his goodbyes a month ahead
of time and dedicated his last month to the struggle. What courage and
dedication! Many won't do this, but that's not a total loss. When those
people come to walk you to that death chamber, just refuse to
participate. What are they doing to do? Write you a case? You don't have
to physically tight. If media comes to see you, tell them what you will
do. Let the world know that "I'm not participating in my own
murder!" What do all of you think society would feel seeing
hundreds of men and women doing this? I think it would he very
provoking. It's almost 3,600 death row inmates nationwide, but how often
does this happen? Some will try to
manipulate you and say "a real man would walk head high". This
is nothing to he proud of. It's an abomination. Some will say
"what's the use, you're going to die anyway". The purpose is
to expose this to the world. Since 1976. there have been over 1.000
executions. There could have been hundreds of statements saying
"I'm not ok with this", and that has nothing to do with being
at peace or remorseful -- that is if you're guilty or wrong for your
crime. One protest does not contradict the other. In my eyes I see this
as the final statement against this death penalty. If you're a Christian
and believe in non-violence, lay it down and pray out loud about the
blood on these guards' hands. If you're a Buddhist, speak about their
Karma. If you're a Muslim, remember your code of righteous Jihad. All of
the Prophets were warriors.
Journeys,
unbossed & unbought
Texas rivers are flowing
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