|
A
Mother's Story
The night my
second child was born, premature, thin, tiny, but just enough for me to
put my arms around him; I cried because we were told he couldn't come
home with us because he was too little. God shined his
mercy and gave my child the strength to survive and days later he was home. Those times he
couldn’t breathe because of his asthma condition and the nightmares,
we'd rush him to the hospital and again God’s grace kept him with us.
The times no food was in the house and l had to ration my kids plate,
I’d skip my meal for my son because it’s a natural love the mother
has for her child. The many nights he stayed under
me protecting me from my ex-husband harming me. He used to
tell me all the time, "Moma, when l get bigger Daddy won't hit you
again. Mama, I will buy you the biggest grandfather clock, Mama, l will
take care of you. I will make you proud of me. Mama." I knew in my
heart that he'd be the child craziest about me. If l could have anything
back, I’d ask God to make him a child again. Allow me to go back to teach him the things l feel so guilty
about today. l wish l could feed him table food again and give him a bowl of ice cream
in his hand. It looked like the ice cream ate him instead of him eating it. All that
ice cream on his cute jaws. I’d even go back to his teenager days when
I’d mess him up with the girls. We'd be in the grocery store and as
usual he's after some girl. I’d yell loudly saying, “Jr., you got
five children at home, and a wife; leave that girl alone.”
The girl would walk
off, my son would try to tell her it’s not true, (I'd laugh until my
stomach ached. It was my way of joking with my child). I’d go back
to the day I was stranded and had no way home. My son walked from his
girlfriends house and walked us home. It took us three hours but my son
stood for me and protected me. Now he sits on Death Row and the pain is unbearable. l have never upheld my
child's wrong, I’d be less than a mother if I did He asks me all the
time, "Mama, why won’t people forgive me? Why do people hate me?
Why don't they give me another chance? He says, 'Mama, I’m so sorry for the
wrong I’ve done." These questions hurt my soul because there are
certain questions a mother doesn't know the answer too. He says
“Mama, why can’t l get married? Why cant l give you grand kids?'
What mother doesn’t want this for her chid? It's easy for a child to
want these things not knowing the real world. l just wish he'd smile again. I wish a
girl would simply take the risk to love him for who he is
instead of where he's at. l know that's asking a lot but I know my
child. He's filled with love, power, strength, spirit, and so much more. One day while
talking over the phone l told my child I’d take his death sentence. I
gave him breath and now somebody is trying to kill him. Take what l
brought into this world. I say, “No! No! No!” I will fight for my
child. l will be his light. Although
he tells me al
the time it’s not my fault that he's on death row. He always makes me
smile and lifts my spirit He tells me how beautiful of a mother l am. He
tells me that I’m his gift Even with all of that said, I still feel a small guilt
that l could've been a better mother. Since the state doesn't really care who they kill, l wonder will the Governor trade my life for
my child? A life for a life is how they justify things. My child would
go hysterical, but a mother's love for her child goes beyond death. If you would
like to join me in this fight, please mail my son. Willie B. Smith Z-541
|