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Poems / writings by Robert Butts
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Unspoken Love
Dream On
We moved to the country when I was in the 6th
grade, and while I dreaded the move because I was leaving all of my
friends behind, I soon began to embrace the move and find out how adept
I was at becoming acquainted with the many fascinations to be discovered
through nature. I immediately wanted a pet, but no signs of
relief from my guardians so I learned early on how to improvise and
overcome hurdles. I remember capturing caterpillars and keeping them in
a jar, feeding the grass until their metamorphosis was complete, I then
released them to fly away and be free. This continued, I caught frogs
and turtles until I was eventually ready to progress. I remember taking a baby bird from a
nest... I didn't initially want to do this, the nest was in a tree in
our front yard so I wanted to watch the mother raise her young offspring
but my brothers kept interfering with our guests until the mother
finally started to move the family. I heard my brothers talking about it
so I went to see for myself and when I looked in the nest, I only saw
one of the three left from the litter and that's when I made the
decision to capture it. I made a nest of out of hay and placed the
bird in a shoe box, and my new friend and I headed for the house. We
named this bird Joey, and Joey became so comfortable with us that he'd
hop out of the shoe box and come looking for us when it wanted some more
bread and water. All you had to do was stick your finger out and hold it
close to him and he would jump on your finger so that you could carry
him around. One of my favorite cartoons was "The Seahawks," a
cartoon where birds would team up with the superheros to help catch the
bad guys. I was so excited about the prospects that I couldn't wait
'till Joey grew up to see if he would fly away and then come back to
me.... But Joey died after eating some berries. There was a berry bush
in our backyard that many birds gathered to feast off of and we figured
that he would like some berries also, but little did we know about
raising a bird. I had other opportunities to catch some baby birds but
watched them from afar. I took it as a lesson learned. Before my encounter with Joey, birds were
primarily my main targets of prey because I only had a pellet gun. The
adults used to tell me not to kill them unless I planned to eat them, I
understood what they were saying in theory but not in principle. It
wasn't until after my encounter with Joey that my eyes began to open to
this principle. I remember one afternoon while walking
through the woods on a hunting expedition with my cousin, we encountered
a deer unexpectedly. It was like we had crept upon each other by how
close we were together when noticing each other for the first time. My
cousin took off like a bolt of lightening, the deer leaped and took off,
and I sped away after my cousin. I couldn't convince my cousin to do
much more hunting with me so I soon began taking long walks through the
woods alone, and not always to hunt but sometimes to merely be
surrounded by the amazing scenery. One day while witnessing physical abuse
done to my mother by her boyfriend, I grabbed my pellet gun and
considered shooting this perpetrator to stop the physical abuse, but
instead I went to my cousin's house to call for help.... Afterwards,
while not anxious to go back home, I took a detour on a stroll through
the woods. It almost hurt my feelings by how quickly all the creatures
ran for cover, although I had my gun, I had come in peace but they had
no way of knowing this. So I sat next to a tree on the side of the
pathway, and let my thoughts run freely through my mind.... Thinking
about how things would be when I went back home, about not going back
home, or the few options that were available to me. Then I realized that the animals were
beginning to resurface from hiding. I saw a squirrel in the trees, I
heard something in the bushes, maybe a rabbit, but what surprised me is
when a bird landed right in front of me across from the pathway. This
was a clear shot that I couldn't have gotten if I were trying to. I
considered taking my anguish out on this bird but I didn't want to scare
off the animals again and be left alone, and besides, this bird was
similar to Joey. At this moment, I thought about Joey and I began to
understand in theory and practice .... Through time, I made many more trips down
this pathway, not to hunt, but this became a place where I could clear
my head of my troubles and be at peace. These woods and the animals that
lived there were no longer my enemies, I became their guest and it's
almost as if we became friends by the way that we coexisted together. One night after arguing with my mother, I
stormed out of the house. Soon realizing that my options were few, I
decided to walk down the pathway and calm down to think. There was a
full moon, so bright and crisp that there were actually beams of
moonlight coming through the trees. I stopped for a while and just
leaned against a tree and this huge shadow started to walk over to me,
menacing but sort of reassuring. It was a deer and we shared a beautiful
moment together just looking at each other in the heavy frost. I had left home because I just wanted to
get out and be alone by myself, and thinking back upon these times, I
can see clearly the incredible blessing that is one's freedom, to be
able to just get up and leave a situation in search of a better one. And
the pain that its loss can bring to a person in my situation is
indescribable but yet very persistent. I once had a bad dream consisting of a
series of events concerning my grandmother.... There was a time when we
argued and I made her really mad because I wouldn't listen to her, so
mad that she took me home at By Robert Butts
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